Coaching The Person Behind The Athlete - Leading With Empathy by Eric Schryer

Eric is the assistant coach of the Biathlon Alberta Training Centre and former lead biathlon coach at Chelsea Nordiq. Over the past few years, Eric has taken on many contract roles with both Biathlon Ontario and Biathlon Canada, including multiple international competitions from World Youth / Junior Championships, to Open European Championships & the IBU cup. Eric is currently pursuing a degree in psychology at Athabasca University.

“Athletes only care what you know once they know you care.”

Athletes come, athletes go.

When you read that sentence, did you associate athletes entering the sport as a positive sentiment, and athletes exiting a sport as a negative one? It’s likely very common that we think that way but that does not have to be the case.

For example, say you have an athlete who is often missing training, or doesn’t seem too happy, nor motivated when they are there. It is really easy to fall into the trap of labeling this athlete as lazy, to brush them off, or to “speak for them” by thinking that they do not want to be there. Yet, there they are. Alternatively, say an athlete is quite successful, highly motivated, and generally happy to be there. We tend to set our expectations of that individual to be extremely high and often over analyze every small detail in an attempt to create a perfect environment.

I will own up to having this mindset in my earlier years. I am glad I did because it has led to the biggest lesson I have learnt as a coach and has helped to shape my philosophy and cultivate the positive interactions I have with athletes to this day.

Let me start by sharing my story of how I came to realize my greatest lesson as a coach: leading with empathy. My ability to meaningfully connect with each athlete is undoubtedly my greatest strength, my passion, and what motivates me to do what I do. 

When I took over the biathlon program at my first club, I found myself in what I now understand to be a very challenging and vulnerable position. I was young (within 6 years of most of my 16 year old athletes) and considered relatable. We often spoke a lot as a group, from stories of how our day went to jokes and sharing of personal interests. However, I also wanted to be taken seriously. I felt like I had so much to prove (To who? I still don’t know…). I reciprocated passion and energy and I curated high standards of performance. I considered what I was doing to be successful because it was working (according to what parameters? I also still do not know…). 

Fast forward a year into the job, three of my athletes come home with medals from nationals & receive nominations to Biathlon Canada’s U20 national team. Personally I felt very accomplished and proud that I was able to contribute to this success. However, what happens throughout the following year will remain a defining period of time for my coaching philosophy. 

First, one of the three medalists decides to stop training and racing. Foolishly, I pushed for them to stay in a way which I would now consider harsh and abrasive. I reminded them of their hard work, talent, and their potential. I told them that they should stick it out and see what happens. Although all of my reasons were factual, I know now that all they were looking for was simply someone to listen, and to accept their decision. Instead of doing this, I treated them like a number in my program. I cared more in the moment about them staying in order to benefit my program, than I did for their happiness. I wish that I had approached this situation with empathy, however I did not yet have the tools to do so. This is something I feel guilt for and I hope that they can forgive me. 

Second, I discovered that another of the medalists had been disrespectful to their teammates & the coaches on the nationals trip to the point where they should have been sent home. I calmly spoke to the athlete at the end of the season and presented them the facts as I had witnessed them happen before hearing their perspective. I told the athlete that I value who they are as a person over what kind of results they are capable of. In addition to this, I stated that the kind of behavior displayed was not tolerated on my team and that they have a choice to make if they wanted to continue working with me. Instead of staying mad, I chose to approach this situation by choosing to follow my heart and lead with empathy. This allowed the athlete to see my honesty and to know that I cared. I believe that they made a decision out of respect for me and respect for themselves. The athlete and myself grew very close throughout the season. We both attended our first World Youth / Junior Championships together. We had (& still have) a great working relationship. I am proud of their accomplishments, but as I said to them in the beginning of our relationship; I am most proud of the person they are becoming & how they hold themselves. Their character is what makes their accomplishments that much more meaningful. 

Since all good things come in threes, my third lesson in empathy that season presented itself in an almost identical fashion to the scenario I initially described at the beginning of this blog. The third medalist from the previous season began to really struggle with their mental health. They had very big goals and seemed to be very motivated and making great progress, until one day they decided they would quit mid summer-season. After some discussions we decided it was best to take a short break and then make decisions after some time away. They came back super motivated and ready to continue their season. This lasted another few months until school started again. I believe that this caused a lot of stress and anxiety for the athlete and again, they wanted to just call it a season. Having learned from my previous mistakes, I decided that instead of addressing their initial concern of continuing or not continuing in sport, I asked them if there was something that I could help them with. Although it was a very difficult conversation, they disclosed personal details about their mental health, including their fluctuating struggles with depression and anxiety. They began counselling and together, we created a plan of action which was first and foremost for their health and safety. As I was also struggling to understand the toll and the weight that this situation placed on my shoulders, I sought advice from a very close friend. They helped me to understand that it is so easy to fall into the trap of labelling someone an athlete, and someone a coach. We tend to see these roles as binary and we believe that athletes’ jobs are to train and then to perform, while coaches’ jobs are to guide someone to success… However, 1) this model neglects that under these coach/athlete hats that we wear, we are all people who experience a wide spectrum of emotions, and 2) how are we defining success? Success is the achievement of a goal. If an athletes’ goal is to be a happy person, to have fun with what they are doing no matter what the result, and they feel that they are achieving this goal, then they are successful. 

There is a saying that goes: “If you love someone, let them go”. I believe that this symbolizes that love requires an immense amount of respect. It cannot be possessive and it shows an intimate understanding of one’s individual control. This notion can be directly implemented into coaching. We need to provide our athletes with the proper support and trust in order to make their own decisions. 

I am very proud to say that this third athlete regained their motivation on their own terms. Later that season, they won a gold medal at the Canada Winter Games, and most importantly, they achieved their goal of enjoying their time in sport. 

Since that initial athlete opened up about their mental health, I have personally experienced a few more athletes open up to me about their mental health struggles. This is something that we MUST normalize in a sports setting. We may not be professionals in the field of mental health, but sometimes all that an individual needs is someone to speak to as a first contact point. Someone they trust. Someone who can help them find the help that they need.

That year, without question, changed my trajectory as a coach. I discovered that my sport-specific knowledge amounts to nothing if I cannot effectively connect with each and every individual whom I coach. I discovered that I found more team success when I focused on “the people” rather than “the athletes”. A great mentor once told me: “Athletes only care what you know once they know you care.” I find that this sentence holds tremendous power because it is the key to building an athlete’s longevity in sport. When an athlete understands that you see them as the individual they are, then it is their choice to be there because you are empowering them to be successful, in whichever way THEY define it.

A final reality which I discovered and have come to terms with is that some of the people who you work with will choose not to continue in the sport you coach. In fact, the majority will end up stopping at some point in their late teenage years. I challenge every coach who reads this to “fight” for their athlete in a different way than spelling out some facts about their athletic career. Instead, truly dedicate every moment of your coaching towards building your team’s culture. Invest interest in each individual and empower each person to take ownership of their pathway. Your caring attitude and your empathy will create an environment where people want to be. Athletes will come, athletes will go. The point is when you provide each person with the tools they need in order to make this decision, then you have done everything within your power as a coach. I think you will even find that with these tools, people will realize that they are capable of so much more. The choice remains theirs.

Eric Schryer and Alex Dupuis at Open European Championships, February, 2020